This is me (in case you were wondering)
Good afternoon, friends. Today I threw on an OLD dress, a vintage belt that my mom gave me (from the 80’s) and my newest pair of prized converse. There was a point in time where I wouldn’t have worn what I wanted in fear of being different or wanting to fit in. That time has long passed and I can tell you I’m happier about it than ever. Being a woman is hard in today’s world. Add being a wife, mother, and having a successful career on top of it and well, it’s just a lot. What I wish I could tell my 20-something year old self is this: JUST BE YOU. The funny thing is, I always thought I WAS just being me, and I was…to an extent…but I was holding back in a lot of ways. I wasn’t wearing exactly what I wanted. I was feeling trapped in a life where I wouldn’t say my true feelings for fear I’d be judged. You know what? I breastfed both of my sweet babies until they were over 2. Most of my friends never knew it because I was scared of judgment. Scared to admit it because all of the other moms sat around at play dates complaining that they hated breastfeeding, While I secretly loved it. I’d leave said play date early because I knew my toddler wanted to nurse but I didn’t want others to see. I’d do what I thought I was supposed to and hide my true feelings…about breastfeeding, what I felt a mom “should” do, my view on politics, parenting, the list goes on.
What I was doing was all wrong. I now want to set an example for other women and mothers who feel torn to do what society deems acceptable. Guess what? I DID breastfeed each child for years, and I loved it. It bonded us tightly for life and I wouldn’t take it back. Guess what else? I’m a mom who loves style and who knows I DESERVE to have style. I may be going to school or the grocery store, but I deserve to feel confident and beautiful. And YOU DO TOO! I am a democrat. I hate guns. My family has been tragically and intimately affected by them, so yes, I hate them. I work hard as a mom every damn day. I felt trapped living in the south. I want my kids to grow up around all races, sexual orientations, and people of all backgrounds, and I just wasn’t getting that in North Carolina. I needed more and I was screaming on the inside for it. Since moving back to Seattle last year, I have felt more kindness than ever before. I’ve felt included. Loved. Seen. In NC, I was kept on the outside, wasn’t invited to many outings, book clubs, moms night out, etc. It made me question everything and think something was wrong with me.
Guess what? Nothing is wrong with me. And nothing is wrong with you. JUST BE WHO YOU ARE. THE RIGHT PEOPLE WILL FOLLOW ALONG WITH YOU AND YOUR JOURNEY AND WILL LOVE YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE!
I often talk about this blog and how it is a part of who I am. I put everything into it, whether you see that or not. Whether it’s style, a tidbit on motherhood, or life, it’s real and raw and it’s me. Don’t ever forget to just be yourself. I hope I can teach that to my children, and honestly, I hope I can teach it to you. I’m here for you no matter what. Clumsily living but trying my best. Stay awhile if you like what you see. I’ll be here trying my hardest to just bring you the real, authentic me every day.